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(06.28.02)
• Who Am I? Well, I finally got around to posting a blurb about myself over on the Who Am I? page. It's nothing fancy, just a bit about where I'm from, where I've lived; that sort of thing.

  What I really need to do is get off my fat ass and put together some Crider family info. I mean, that is one of the main reasons I registered the crider.com domain. I keep getting hits from other Criders around the country (nothing international, yet) and need to start compiling.

• If any of my family is visiting my site, send me an email and let me know, okay?

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(06.27.02)
• Key West Photos! I finally posted a bunch of photos from our Key West trip earlier this month. You can view them here. There's also a link off the Who Am I? page.
• Tony and I had a great time on our golf trip last weekend. Hot and muggy, but we still had fun. I'm a pretty shitty golfer as it is, but damnit, I missed two easy pars because I couldn't manage to sink a two-foot putt. GRRRR!! In general, I'm happy with the way I played as I had some nice shots all around. I just couldn't manage to string any of them together for a par, that's all.

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(06.20.02)
• Iowa, Here We Come! Tony and I are heading out Friday morning for our 2nd Annual Iowa Golf Trip in Dubuque. Yeah, I know that when one thinks of golf, Iowa doesn't immediately spring to mind. But, this time last year, Tony and I were looking to get out of town, golf came up and he suggested Dubuque as he knows the area. We ended up having a blast. I mean, we both totally suck at golf, so it's about relaxing and having fun. Oh, and the 18-year-old hotties that drive around in the beer trucks. It's about them, too.

  We chose this weekend again specifically because it's the weekend of the big Catfish Festival. I somehow managed to miss out on the catfish last year, but not this year. And, if they have the paintball shooting gallery again this year, Tony wants to turn the guns on the crowd and see how many people we can mow down before Dubuque's Finest takes us out. We'll see.

• Well, as you can see, I have yet to post any photos from Key West. We got a set of prints back already, but not the CD - and I'm way too lazy to go about scanning in all the photos. I'll just wait for the CD and pull 'em off there.
• Kim and I went to see The Bourne Identity last night. Fantastic movie. I highly recommend that everyone run out and see this flick ASAP. It really was a well done movie, and Matt Damon is perfect in the role. Two thumbs up.
• I have to give a shout out to Amy over at CMI... err.. Oxford Something-Or-Other. It was great to finally meet you! Nice tat!

  Grant emailed me a couple days ago threatening to end my life because I posted some photos of him and, according to him, blabbed about it to Amy and then it got around the office. For the record, I didn't tell anyone in particular about the photos. I posted them back on 05.14.02 and mentioned it in a ramble for that date, but that's it. I mean, it's not like I said something like, "Go check out these photos of Drunken Grant! It's hysterical!" It's not like I said that and provided links or anything. Sheez!

  Drunken Grant! (i.e. New Years Eve, 1999!)

  Grant (<30k)	Jackie Chan (<30k)	Elvis (<30k)
  Grant Again (<30k)	Grant & Steve (<30k)	The 3 Amigos (<30k)

  
  

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(06.14.02)
• Home Sweet Home, My Ass... I wanna go back to Key West, baby! Kim and I had a great time on vacation. My wonderfully succinct girlfriend put it best as we were descending upon O'Hare airport: "I want to go back."

  I'm writing up a larger blurb on the trip, but it's going to be a few days before I can get it and the photos online. I hope the photos turn out.

• The U.S. soccer team lost to Poland during World Cup play this morning. 3-nil was the final score. The good news is, thanks to South Korea's win over Portugal, we made it into the second round.

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(06.06.02)
• I'm Leavin' On a Jet Plane... Sing it with me! ...don't know when I'll be back again. Okay, so I do know when I'll be back: Tuesday evening. We leave for Key West tomorrow morning. Car picks us up at 5:00am so we can be at O'Hare by 6:00am for a flight that leaves at 8:00am. Means we'll have to get up around 4:00am to get going. Fuck me.
• I was going through the drive on my old business computer (PowerMac 9600/200) and ran across a folder called "Funny". Like most people who have email, I've received a ton of jokes and other humorous emails over the years. Some of it is pretty funny, like this joke here...
• New CIA Agents:

  Three men are going through CIA training, trying to become secret agents. They finally got through all their written and physical tests when they are pulled aside by one of the instructors who took them to a small room with another room adjacent to it.

  They brought the first guy's wife into the room and left her there. e instructor then loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the first man saying, "Go kill your wife of five years." The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room. He came back out one minute later and said, "I can't do it." The instructor replied, "Then you fail out - get out."

  The second candidate's wife was brought to the room. The instructor then loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the second man and said, "Go kill your wife of ten years." The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room, but returned three minutes later and said, "I can't do it." The instructor replied, "Then you fail out - get out."

  Finally, the third candidate's wife was left in the adjacent room. The instructor loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the third man and said, "Go kill your wife of fifteen years." The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room where there is silence for one minute. Suddenly, there was the sound of two gunshot, followed by a huge commotion in the room.

  The third man came out finally, sweating profusely, and said, "Good job, asshole! You gave me blanks. I had to choke the bitch."

• I'm hungry.

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(06.05.02)
• New Carrara Renders Online. I posted a new page of Carrara renders in 3D Gallery 1, Fury Base Alpha. What can I say... I'm a geek! Check 'em out.
• Well, Kim and I are almost ready for Key West. Just a few minor issues to deal with and we're ready to go. Limo picks us up at my place Friday morning at the crack of ass, plane leaves O'Hare at 8:02am, getting us to Key West (via Miami) around three in the afternoon. Yipee!!!

  I've only flown once since the 9/11 tragedy, so I'm a tad nervous about the security. I mean, I've read some real horror stories about security guards wanting to stick their hands down your pants and everything. I can't imagine having some guy fondling my nuts like that. I honestly don't know if I could handle it. I'm all for increased security and such, but public humiliation? There has to be a better way.

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(05.28.02)
• T-Minus 10 Days & Counting! Kim and I are heading off to Key West (Florida, USA) on June 7th, which turns out to be our four-month anniversary. Wasn't planned; just worked out that way. Four months. It sure seems like much longer than that. I mean that in a good way, too.

  I really can't wait to get the hell out of Dodge for a little while. We're only going for four days, but it'll still be nice. It's the first time for both of us in Key West, so we'll get to check it out and scout for our next trip, which will hopefully be longer.

  We're both looking forward to a few long and lazy days by the pool and on the beach, and we're booked into a great looking place called The Marquesa. Uh, oh... total deja vu going on right now. I'd swear I already wrote something up about this. Hmmm... but after going over the page, I can't seem to find anything. Funky.

  Anyhoo... we're staying at The Marquesa and it's more like a big mansion than a hotel. Has only twenty rooms or something like that, and we have a suite down by the pool (which is supposedly surrounded by a big garden) that's off the main house. It sounds really nice and the photos look great. In the words of Chandler Bing... I am SOOOOoooo looking forward to this.

• I think I'm having an aneurism today. I keep having this shooting pain at the top of my skull that comes and goes in a flash. Makes my left eye twitch. Maybe it's a tumor. Arnold: "It's not a tumor!"
• Know what I hate about summer in Chicago? 60's-era, rusted-out, 2-ton landscaping trucks rumbling down the road on bald, under-inflated tires, raining debris and migrant workers out the back. That's what I hate.
• Looks like I picked a bad week to stop sniffing glue.

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(05.24.02)
• Oh Friday, How I Love Thee. TGIF!! I'm so glad it's Memorial Day weekend. It'll be nice to have the extra day off. Hope the weather holds out.
• I ordered and received a new GeForce Ti4200 video card this week. nVidia makes the best video hardware for gaming. Awesome stuff. I can't wait to get the card installed this weekend. I'm going to replay Jedi Knight II just so I can see it in all the new splendor.

  I picked up the Ti4200 mostly because most of the gaming press agree that you get maybe 90% of the Ti4400/4600 performance at a much lower cost. The Ti4200, Ti4400 and Ti4600 are retailing for $179, $299 and $399, respectively. I ended up paying $211 for mine at NewEgg.com. Four hundred bucks for a freakin' video card! Can you imagine that? Actually, to be fair, when I bought my Athalon box back in December of 2000, I paid $499 for the then-state-of-the-art GeForce 2 Ultra DDR (64MB). Shoot, that was 25% of the total system cost!

• I also purchased a new gaming device called The Claw, and I've give my left nut if it'd show up today. This thing is supposed to be the best thing since sliced bread. Not too expensive, either. And, they're working on an expansion module for the existing unit that will add further buttons and capabilities. Suweeeeeeeeeeet!!

  I thought about going with the Belkin Nostromo n50, but in the end went for The Claw. Reason is, the n50's buttons are basically keyboard keys, and one of the major problems I have when playing a first person shooter is that my fingers will come off the home keys and I have trouble getting re-oriented. So, I invariably end up dying because I'm hitting the wrong keys. Literally 70% of my deaths occur because of that.

  The Claw is like a big lump of clay molded to your hand. The buttons are right under finger and there are ridges between the buttons to keep your fingers where they belong. Even if your hand comes away, I'm told it's incredibly easy to get re-oriented without having to take your eyes off the screen. Just what I'm looking for.

  From the research I did before making the purchase, most of the gaming press give both units high marks and come off with a few niggling issues. In the end, for me, it was about the shape of the unit.

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(05.18.02)
• I'm Spiderman! Kim and I went to see Spiderman last night. Quite simply one of the most entertaining movies I've ever seen. Kim liked it too, but not nearly as much as I. Go figure. Neddy went ga-ga over the flick as well, so I'm betting we'll go see it again. Maybe drag his son, Walker, with us. Man, what a great freaking flick!!! Go see it! Now! I command you to go see this movie!!!

  Star Wars: Episode II I'll go see in a couple of weeks. I don't think I can get myself motivated to go see it while it's still such a madhouse. Yeesh!

• Just finished Jedi Knight II: Outcast! What a great freakin' game, swear to god. Easily the most entertaining PC game I've ever played, and I've played a few. Check out the Jedi-Outcast.com website for info and help. The folks over there are awesome. I got all the way to the final battle with Desann and just couldn't kill the sucker. But, using tips from the Jedi-Outcast forum, I was able to vanquish the big lizard and complete the game. I literally jumped out of my chair yelling, "Yeah, baby!" and clapping my hands. No other game has done that for me.

  If you have a Windows-based PC and are into gaming, you have to check this puppy out. It requires a nice piece of hardware, but it's well worth it. Talk about fun!!!

  If you do pick this up, make sure you spend some time at Jedi-Outcast.com to get the latest updates, patches and mods. There's a big deal about the 1.03 patch (which is the first patch for the OEM game {I think}) that reduces saber power and other things. From what I've read, most people (myself included) finished the game without any patching, then installed the patches after. Why? Because you need the patches to play online, but that's about it. Don't take my word for gospel, though, as I'm certainly no expert. Check out Jedi-Outcast.com for more complete information. You won't regret it. Trust me. I'm a Jedi. Okay, not really, but I play one on my PC. :-)

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(05.16.02)
• Warning: Lots of Foul Language Ahead. Well, I finally got my fucking email fixed on my home fucking computer. If you're been following this at all, you know that I've had the absolute worst fucking luck with my home PeeCee lately. I was experiencing some funky behavior and thought it might be because Win98 SE didn't like the 512MB of RAM I had installed (I've read that 98 doesn't deal well with that much RAM). So, I decided to upgrade to Win2K. That went completely to shit and I ended up having to start all fucking over. I decided to go back to Win98 just in case a clean install of the OS might clear up that problem I was having. Since I'm an avid gamer, Win98 is the better choice over 2K anyway. I got Win98 back on the drive no problem, but I couldn't get Outlook Express to import my saved email. So, basically, I was terrified that I'd lost all my old email, which would have been horrible because I have so much important info in there.

  Well, Monday night I finally figured it out. Came to me in a flash, too. I knew it was going to be something silly, stupid and simple like this and I'd eventually figure it out. I'm just pissed it took so damned long and got me so completely frustrated.

  What did it turn out to be? Well, first off I couldn't get OE to import anything. It just wouldn't work. No matter what I did, it kept erroring out. So, I was trying to find a work-around. Luckily - actually, it wasn't luck, I meant to do it - I saved the identities folder from my old OS. That folder contains all the encrypted OE files for each and every account/identity you've created in Outlook Express. The work-around I was trying was to simply replace the new IDs under the new OS with my saved IDs. But, that wasn't working. OE was completely dumping every time I tried to launch it. Remove the old IDs and put back the new ones and it was okay. So, there was something about the old IDs that O-fucking-E didn't like. Imagine that.

  So, here I am, banging away at this thing, waiting for Kim to come over so we can have dinner, when all of a sudden it hit me: When copying files to CD, Windows-based CD-ROM burning apps have this nasty tendency to enable the read-only attribute on each file, and that attribute stays enabled when you copy the files back to the hard drive (to be fair, Mac-based apps may do this as well). So, I disabled the read-only attribute on each file in the IDs directory and sure 'nuff, OE opened just fine. All I had to do was go in for each individual ID in OE and set the storage directory to the appropriate location and *bam* all my email popped in. I was so fucking relieved!

  How long have I been dicking around with this problem? Way too long, that's how long. If OE would have just imported my fucking email like it was fucking supposed to, it wouldn't have been a problem. But, noooooooo... How the fuck is the average person supposed to reinstall their email after the OS takes a dump and has to be re-installed? The lay-person isn't going to know they need to backup their fucking ID directory. They're going to go with the export/import route, which clearly doesn't work in such a case where you're going from one install of OE to another. Export/import appears to work only for going from OE to Outlook/Exchange. What the hell is that? God, I fucking hate Microsoft.

  While I was able to resurrect my email, one thing that didn't come over was all my mail filters. And I had a ton, too. So, I've had to slowly begin re-creating them. What a total pain in the ass. Oh, and the exports of my address books wouldn't import, either. Luckily - again, not really luck because I anticipated problems - I exported them in not only WAB format but comma separated. That's allowed me a not-so-pretty work-around of copy-n-paste because - say it ain't so! - OE won't import them even though it's clear an export/import option. God, I fucking hate Microsoft.

  In the end, I was up until 2am working on my PeeCee while Kim was passed out in bed. Once I got the email thing figured out, I just wanted to keep going and re-install everything else. So, I did and I'm still not done. I was damned exhausted Tuesday, lemme tell you. Wanna know the real pisser? That funky behavior I was having which prompted me to try the upgrade to 2K in the first place? It started happening again. The more software I loaded, the slower the Windows interface would react. Apps and everything launch and run just fine, but clicking around in Explorer, navigating through directories slows to a crawl. It gets to the point where double-clicking open a folder will take upwards to thirty seconds before anything happens. Same thing when closing a folder, too. Incredibly frustrating. And I have no idea what the problem is. A clean OS didn't fix it, so I don't know what the hell it is. And, yes, I've tried de-fragging, to no avail. Fuck me.

• Kim and I are going to see Spiderman on our date-night Friday. I think I'll be waiting a week or two before going to see Star Wars. I really hate crowds and, as much as I want to see Episode II, I just am NOT willing to put up with the millions of people out and about for that movie. Fugetaboutit. So, I'll wait. Although, Greg did just stop by my office asking if I wanted to join him at the 4:20 showing this afternoon. Hmmmmm....

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(05.14.02)
• Welcome To The World, Marena! Kim has a new niece named Marena. Born Saturday night, something like thirty-seven pounds and fifty inches. Okay, I could be wrong there. I have to get the details. Congrats to Suzie, Jeff and the rest of the Anuszewski family!!

  UPDATE: Okay, Kim just emailed me the specs on Marena (I wasn't even spelling her name right). Baby Marena was installed on Planet Earth May 11th at 11:15pm. File size at the time of install was 8lbs and 20" long. It is expected the program will grow in size over the years, much like Microsoft Office, only prettier and imminently more productive.

• I added some photos from New Years Eve 1999 on the Who Am I? page. Yeah, I know it's a little late, but I just ran across them while organizing some files. Check 'em out.
• Okay, so it's Tuesday morning and this week sucks so much ass it's unbelievable. Corporate IT hung this last-minute, gotta-have-it-yesterday IT hardware audit around my neck late last week and we've been struggling to get it done. Talk about a freakin' nightmare. Two words: unrealistic expectations. Where's Viator when you need him?
• Looks like I may be helping Ned put the boat in the water this weekend. Scheduled too, anyway. Hope so. I'm looking forward to getting back out on the water. I miss sailing. Nothing quite like it.

  Oh, that reminds me... I ran into a guy named Tom Kent at the Harry Connick Jr. concert last week. He sat right in front of Kim and me. I haven't seen or talked to this guy since the night I broke my leg back in, what, 1997? I can't remember anymore. Anyway, he's the one that got me into sailing back in 1995. He's one of those guys who's grown up sailing and is basically some kinda sailing Gawd. He yells a lot, but that sorta goes with the territory. Sailors, and boat captains/drivers in particular, yell quite a bit. Takes some getting used to. We talked briefly and he still sails out of Belmont harbor in the city, so I may try to track him down. I tried not too long ago, but was unsuccessful.

  I dunno... I like the idea of sailing with Ned because he's more relaxed and is a better teacher. Plus, since I'm not living in the city anymore, I don't know that I can commit to racing every Sunday like I used to with Tom - assuming he'd even take me on, for that matter. We'll see.

• I still haven't gotten my home PeeCee back up to 100%. I just don't have the energy to keep dicking around with it. I keep thinking during the day that I'm going to go home and work on it. Then I get home and all my energy is just gone. I look at the computer, it snickers at me because, let's face it, it knows it won, and I slink away as King of the Heavy Sigh Club.

  I have 98SE back on the drive, but I still haven't fixed my email, there's a process that keeps erroring out not long after startup, the video drivers don't seem to be optimized and there's some kind of IRQ conflict at bootup. God, I really fucking hate Windows.

  I firmly believe that the expansive proliferation of the Windows Operating System has been a detriment to the development of Humanity. Seriously. Just think where we'd be if humans didn't have to spend 75% of their time fighting with Windows and, instead, could use that time to be - GASP! - productive. EGADS!

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(05.11.02)
• Busy, Busy, Busy. This past week was a pretty busy week for me. Let's see, had dinner Tuesday night with a buddy of mine who was in from Australia. We actually grew up together, but he and his wife moved to the East Coast circa 1990, we fell out of touch with each other around 1995, and somewhere after '95 they moved to Australia to work. Been there a year or so, and have another year or so left. They're digging it thus far. I mean, who wouldn't?

  Well, Mark was in for some kind of training gig and we hooked up for dinner Tuesday night. Talk about a great evening. I'd swear our dinner tab was over $300, but can't be certain cause Mark wouldn't show me the damages. I'm sure the two bottles of wine we sucked down was at least a third of the bill. Good wine, good food, good company. Oh, and cigars in the restaurant bar after. Mmmmmm... just a good night all around. I miss Mark.

• Wednesday was a day off for me as Ned and I went to a Cub/Cardinal game at Wrigley. Suffice it to say the Cubs played like complete shit, give up nearly a dozen walks in the first four innings. It was horrible. And the weather sucked, too. I don't know what it is, but 90% of the time Ned and I go to a Cubs game, the weather sucks ass. One time, might have been two years ago, we were at a game when a serious fog rolled in. And I'm talking a SERIOUS fog here, folks. We just watched it roll in from the lake and envelop the entire field. They stopped the game and the managers/umps were our behind the mound tossing balls into the air checking whether or not they could see them. It was totally bizarre.
• Thursday night, Kim and I hooked up with Ned and Laura to go see Harry Connick Jr. at the Chicago Theatre. I'm not that big a fan of Harry, but I gotta say, that guy puts on one helluva show. And it's not about flash or anything, either. It's the way he interacts with the crowd that makes it so nice. Doesn't hurt that he's a wonderful musician and singer, either. He can really wail on that piano. Not only that, but he's surrounded by a gaggle of musicians that are amazing in their own right.

  At one point, Harry brings out this guitarist - can't remember his name - and this guy is simply amazing. He make his guitar almost whine. It's difficult to explain, but he can play notes and sounds that don't just abruptly begin as when you pick a string. It sort of builds into the note as if he's plucked the string with the volume down, then slowly turns the volume up -- but he's not doing that. It's hard to explain but sounds so awesome.

  The drummer, Arthur Latin (I think), has hands so fast they're nothing but a blur. He kept up a real kicker of a solo for something like fifteen or twenty minutes. My arms cramp just thinking about it.

  Lucien Barbarin made a trombone make sounds I'd never heard before. He and Harry got going on stage together and were hysterical. At one point, they were both facing with their backs to the crowd and started doing this little shuffle across the stage, making a big play of showing their butts to the crowd. The guys in the crowd laughed while the chicks swooned. Whaddya expect?

  All-in-all, a very good show that I'd recommend to anyone, and I'll definitely be going to see him again. We love you Harry!

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(05.06.02)
• "How was your weekend, Steven?" Seems like a fairly harmless question, doesn't it? But when I fell to the floor, curled into the fetal position and began sobbing like a baby, gently rocking back and forth muttering, "There is no God… There is no God…", it was readily apparent to anyone close by that perhaps something had gone slightly off beam for me over the weekend.

  What, pray tell, could have caused me to experience such an emotional breakdown (truth be told, it was as much a physical breakdown as it was emotional, because I also crapped my pants - don't think that little triumph didn't raise a few eyebrows)?

  I sat down to upgrade my Win98 SE Athalon box to Win2K Pro this weekend. And, it didn't go well. Yeah, I know… big surprise… big surprise. While I fully expected the venture to go, at best, poorly, and, at worst, fucking horribly, I didn't expect it to cause such fits of rage and despair that would ultimately lead me to question the existence of God and ponder just how much relief a ten-inch flat-head screwdriver to the brain might provide.

  To quote Elmer Fudd: "Oh, the howwor."

  The story begins at Noon on Saturday, when I sat down in front of my Win98 SE Athalon box to start backing up files prior to the upgrade. Using a combination of tape and CD-ROM media, it eventually took me four and a half hours to get everything backed up. Quite a bit longer than I expected, but oh well.

  At 4:30pm central time, I popped in and booted from the Windows 2000 Pro installer CD, initiated the drive reformat and performed a one-and-a-half forward summersault with a twist, straight into the depths of misery. I should have known things weren't going to go well when the walls started to bleed, But noooooooo…

  Reformatting the drive as NTFS didn't take too long; just long enough for my soul to be tried on for size by Satan, I'd say. Then it was time to start installing the OS, the service packs, updaters, patches, applications, copying over files, reconfiguring everything, testing, etc., etc. In all honesty, the OS installation and update went just fine. But, then again, it's sorta like when the news reporter interviews the neighbors of the guy under whose house they just found the remains of the local high school marching band that disappeared three weeks ago: "He always seemed like such a fine fellow. Quiet, didn't cause any trouble." Right. Tell that to the people who won't get their band candy this year because Hannibal had a penchant for tall, furry hats and batons. But, I digress…

  Where was I? Oh, band candy. No, wait… This one time, at band camp… ERR… okay, so the OS install goes 'fine', I get Service Pack 2 installed and set about downloading and installing all the security updates and patches from Microsoft's website. I will say that I think M$'s online update function is pretty nice. Hell, it'd better be what with all the fucking traffic it gets. Do you have any clue just how many updates M$ has to release because Windows is 1) so fucking buggy and 2) so fucking full of security holes? Seriously, do you have any idea? Those who do are probably nodding their heads going, "Yeah, it fucking sucks." Those who don't are probably going, "What's the big deal?" To those latter folks, I say "fuck you", "fuck you" and "fuck you". Oh, and let's not forget "suck my balls".

  Here's one of my favorite examples… Upgrade your Internet Expoder… err… Explorer to, say, 5.5. Assuming you don't already have that version or higher, you get the updater from Windows Update (too funny… I mistakenly typed "Widows" and didn't even know it at first). Depending on your current setup and bandwidth, it can take anywhere from 10-30 minutes to run the update. Afterward, you're instructed to reboot. Do so, then immediately go back to Windows Update and you'll see another IE update waiting for you. Run that, reboot and again go back to Windows Update and you'll see ANOTHER IE update waiting. You have to go through this like three or four times before you get all the updates just to patch all the fucking security holes in that piece of shit software. It's ridiculous!

  Okay, Midnight rolls around and I'm generally okay with where I'm at on the project. Yeah, it's taken much longer than I expected, but such is life, right? Such is Windows life, anyway. At this point, I'm about 80% complete. I have a handful of apps to reinstall and test, and I'm having problems getting Outlook Express 6 to import the mail and address book information I exported from OE 5 under Win98 SE. Even though I was generally okay with the overall project status, I was really pissed about the email thing and, by the time I crashed around 1:00am, I still wasn't sure what to do about it.

  Sunday, Kim and I are out and about and get back to my place in the late afternoon. We have a nice, food-coma-inducing dinner and then I sit down around 9:00pm to try and wrap up the loose ends. I turn on the monitor and log in, as the machine was still running and crunching SETI packets. I attempt to close SETI but it won't exit. Click the "x" and nothing happens. Three-finger-salute to bring up the Windows Security dialog box and invoke Task Mgr, and it doesn't come up. The Windows Security dialog box where you hit "t" or click "task mgr" comes up, but after pressing "t" or clicking the button, it just goes back to the desktop and Task Mgr never appears. Try again... nothing. Try again... nothing. Wait ten minutes to see what happens... nothing. Now I'm starting to get pissed. Three-finger-salute, click "shutdown" and select "restart", nothing happens. Computer looks like it's trying to restart, but it just hangs there. Wait ten minutes... nothing. Wait ten more minutes... nothing. Now I am pissed. All I can do is power the machine down and reboot cold. Fuck me.

  Right about here is where I start to emit that maniacal little laugh I have which, some would say, sounds more like a cackle than anything, because I just know something bad is about to happen. And, I'm not left hanging as, when the machines starts to come back up it produces a command line error of "blah, blah, blah... file missing or corrupt: ntoskrnl.exe. replace with a new one… blah, blah, blah… you're a fucking idiot for attempting this feat… blah, blah, blah… go stick your head in an oven." You know, your typical Windows error message.

  I decided to reboot to see if it was just a fluke (fat fucking chance)... no good. I fully remembered this problem from my NT4 days and it's not a good one - especially since I hadn't gotten around to making an Emergency Repair Disk, which may or may not have helped anyway. Basically, this is one of the Mother Of All Startup Terrors, or MOAST as I like to call it.

  The cackle begins to grow louder and decidedly more menacing, and I can sense Kim getting just a tad bit nervous over by dare. I pound the top of the CPU box with my fist and string together a thread of profanity that, even today, is still bouncing off the walls of my apartment looking for a way to escape. Twelve fucking hours of work, down the tubes. Can't be. No way. I just couldn't accept it. Please God - There is no God - I am your God now!!

  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

  I throw my glasses on the desk, bending the frames of course, and repeatedly pound the top of the CPU case. You ever see that movie Christmas Story? Remember how the father was infamous for his cursing abilities (thus my cursing reference above)? Further remember how you never actually heard him curse, but rather he'd sort of babble incoherently with phrases that sort of sounded like cursing? "Muddfunnasonnybiddafarginiceholeneenatooda!" Yeah, that was me. I was so enraged, that I couldn't even formulate the words to piece together a proper curse! And then, all of a sudden, over my shoulder I hear, "Honey? That doesn't look good", Kim referring to the NTOSKRNL.EXE error on the screen.

  FLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG!!!!!

  It's about this time when Kim decides it's time for her to flee… err… go home for the night. She was planning on heading home anyway and now seemed just as good a time as any, right? Right. Kim starts rapidly grabbing her things and I'm like pacing around the apartment seething. I see Kim to the door, we kiss goodnight and she tells me to call her later. "If I'm still alive," I replied. She laughed nervously. I wondered whether or not a Will written on toilet paper would be considered legal.

  Close the door behind her, lock the deadbolt and the chain, and turn toward the bedroom. This is where you'd insert that really foreboding music if my life were a movie. You know, the kind of music that sends the hero off to fight a hopeless battle that we, the audience, all know he's going to lose. Yet he stoically marches off to face the inevitable and we're like, "No! Don't go!! *sniff* He's so brave. Quit kicking my fucking chair, you twerp!"

  Let's recap: Twelve hours of work on Saturday lost. Well, not lost yet, as there remains a tiny possibility that the situation can be salvaged, but come on, let's be realistic here folks. It just ain't gonna happen. Still, I have to go through the motions, just in case the Computer Gawds decide to smile down upon me and grant a miracle - instead of taking a big steaming poo upon my head like the normally do. Fuckers.

  Just in case it was a fluke, I'd rebooted a couple of times, pounded on the CPU case and thrown my glasses. Other than that, it was about 9:30pm Sunday night and I hadn't done anything else. I sat there in front of the computer, assessing the situation and formulating a battle plan. Unfortunately, all the plans I came up with ended with the CPU outside in flames, except for the one where it was a murder-suicide. Things just weren't looking good in my mind. That's when I uttered aloud, "Looks like I have some drinking to do."

  Returning to the computer with a glass of chilled white wine - which we all know is the perfect drink for troubleshooting an OS problem - I sit down to further my decent into Hell. I had two options at this point:

  Option 1: Give up, accept the situation and start over from scratch.

  Option 2: Go kicking and screaming, and try to repair the damage in order to save some time.

  I, of course, elected to go with Option 2. Oh, look… the walls are bleeding again. Neat.

  Boot from Win2K Pro CD. Select "repair" and let it go through and try to fix itself. Reboot. No good.

  Boot from Win2K Pro CD. Select "repair" and bring up console. Copy over ntoskrnl.ex_ from CD to C:\winnt\system32\ and reboot. No good.

  Get on Dell C600 work laptop in the living room and hit the M$ knowledge base. Find a bunch of hits, but none will help because I didn't make an Emergency Repair disk, which may or may not have helped anyway. One option is to begin the Win2K installation process and when the installer finds the existing installation, can select "repair" and it will do an in-place install, replacing any missing or corrupt files. Decide to try this, just for kicks, to see if I can get away with it and maybe save me from having to reinstall all my apps.

  Put on snow boots because the blood dripping from the walls is starting to pool at my feet, boot from Win2K Pro CD, begin install process and installer laughs at me, saying it can't find any Win2K installation on the drive, then admonishes me for not making an Emergency Repair Disk that may or may not have helped anyway. Just as well, because in-place installs make me nervous. Is it getting warm in here?

  I ended up spending two hours trying to fix the problem. I tried everything I could think of, as well as anything that seemed even remotely possible from the M$ knowledge base - nothing worked. Nothing. Zilch. Nada.

  I finally accepted my fate and started over from scratch. I reformatted the drive and reinstalled 2K, and that's where I left it last night. I realized at this point that there is one silver lining: If I go through all the motions again, but this time do NOT upgrade to IE6 and OE6, instead staying with IE5 and OE5, then I should (might/hopefully/pleasegodifyouexisthelpme) be able to import the OE5 mail and address books I exported earlier.

  Today, as I've been mulling it over, however, I'm actually thinking about ditching 2K and going back to 98 SE. Yeah, 2K is suppose to be more stable and just generally better, but there really was only one reason why I wanted to upgrade to 2K in the first place: I'd been having some funky Windows behavior that much research had attributed to the fact that I have 512MB of RAM in the box and Win98 supposedly doesn't deal well with that much RAM. If it weren't for that, I wouldn't have bothered with this nightmare in the first place.

  What I'm now thinking is that I'll wipe the drive again, but this time reinstall Win98 SE from scratch and see what happens. If that funky behavior goes away, then I'll stay with Win98 SE. If it returns, then I'll wipe the drive and go ahead with 2K. I mean, yeah, 2K is suppose to be more stable, but frankly, I've never had a problem with Win98 SE. It's been perfectly stable for me. Well, as stable as Windows can be. It certainly doesn't crash or hang anymore than my Win2K work laptop.

  In the end, I'm wasting way too much fucking time on this project. But, such is Windows. My MCSE instructor said Windows is the "ultimate money making tool" for consultants. That's because there's so much to maintain and so much that can go wrong that, for consultants who are paid by the hour, it's a fucking goldmine.

  Guess I'd better stop by the liquor store on the way home from work tonite so I can get primed to continue the battle. Hey, look… I just saw four guys on horseback ride by my office door. Cool.

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(05.01.02)
• 9th Ring of Hell. Well, looks like I'm about ready to go ahead and upgrade my home Athalon box from Win98 SE to Win2K. {shudder} God, I am *so* not looking forward to this. It's not like I don't have the necessary skills to perform the upgrade, it's just that, well, Windows sucks ass and you never really know just how badly an upgrade like this can end up going. It's like I told Kim... it's either going to go well and take four hours, or go completely horrible and take eight hours. Even if all goes well, it can take forever running installer after installer after updater after patch, etc., just to get the machine back up and running.

  I'm not doing an in-place update, either. I'm going to do it right (safe), back everything up, wipe the drive and install Win2K clean. It's the only way to be sure it's done right. Doing an in-place upgrade *might* work, but it's never for certain and you may not see resulting problems for some time. I'd rather just do it right the first time (if there is such a thing with Winblows) and get it over with.

  I pretty much have all the Win2K updaters, patches and installers I need for the task, and I'm making a final few queries to make sure I haven't forgotten anything, and then it's time to sit down on Saturday and give it a go. I told Kim she might not want to be around while I'm performing the upgrade as I imagine there will be a great deal of screaming and cursing. And that's if everything goes right.

• Oh, man... you shoulda seen what happened to this waitress at lunch. This big, tall Amazon blonde trips over a floor mat and does a header into the corner of a cabinet. Smashes her face right up against the edge and sliced the shit out of her cheek. She ends up on her ass in total shock, just sitting there with blood pouring down her face, sobbing uncontrollably. It was u-g-l-y. And here's me, trying not to barf up my salad and wondering if I'm now supposed to leave her a bigger tip.

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(04.30.02)
• Happy Birthday Ned!!! Once again, I'm glad I'm a carnivore. Kim and I met Neddy, Laura and Walker (Ned's son) out for dinner and a movie. Movie was High Crimes and dinner was BBQ ribs at Gale Street Inn. Hands down the best ribs on the planet. Period. End of story. Don't even bother arguing with me, either, cause I'm not listening.

  The movie, High Crimes, was good. Nice little plot twist there at the end. Ashley Judd really needs to be more naked in her movies.

• So, I finally have a date scheduled to get my IT room at work cleaned up: 6.1.02. In case you missed it in my 04.15.02 ramble, my IT room is a total nightmare and I'm finally getting around to cleaning it up.
• Oh, I almost forgot. Ned finally has a domain: www.steinke.us. There's no content up yet, but he's working on it. Right? Ned? You're working on your site, right?
• Awesome new photos from Hubble are now online. Check 'em out here.

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